Your kid’s been gaming online for years. They know the rules. They’ve got parental controls set up. So you feel safe, right? That’s what most parents think until sextortion happens.
I started researching this because one family in my neighborhood had their child targeted through Discord—a platform millions of kids use every day. Within weeks, online predators had everything they needed to blackmail him. The worst part? His parents had no idea it was happening until it almost escalated offline.
Here’s the reality: 1 in 5 teens will experience sextortion, and most parents won’t see it coming. If you think your kid is safe because they’re behind a screen, you’re not prepared for what’s actually going on out there. Let me show you exactly what to activate and how.
Where Sextortion Is Really Happening
Let’s talk about where sextortion actually takes place instead of speaking in generalities.
Snapchat is where most of this goes down. The platform reported around 20,000 cases of adult grooming in the first half of 2024 alone. Why? Because messages disappear. Because predators can create fake accounts in seconds. Because your kid thinks talking to strangers there is somehow safer than other platforms—it’s not.
But it’s not just Snapchat. Discord gaming servers? Loaded with people pretending to be kids. Roblox? Predators literally use the in-game currency (Robux) like it’s candy for luring—”Hey, I’ll gift you 5,000 Robux, just let’s move to this private chat first.”
The pattern is always the same: Find the kid. Gain trust. Move to a private, harder-to-monitor app. Then turn up the pressure. And here’s the scary part: 81% of these threats happen exclusively online, meaning your kid could be completely compromised before you even know there’s a problem.
Boys and LGBTQ+ youth get targeted way more often. If that’s your kid, pay extra attention to what I’m about to share.
Getting Your PC Setup Right (And Actually Using It)
Your child probably spends 8-12 hours a day gaming or scrolling on their PC. If you haven’t set up parental controls there, you’re basically leaving the door unlocked.
Here’s exactly what to do:
Step 1: Open Settings > Accounts > Family & other users
Step 2: Click Add a family member > Add a child
Step 3: Use their existing Microsoft account or create one now
Step 4: Go to familysafety.microsoft.com (yes, there’s a separate dashboard for this)
Step 5: Click Add device and select their PC
Once you’re in, focus on three things:
Screen time limits: Set it so gaming stops at 9 PM on school nights. I know what you’re thinking—”my kid will hate this.” They will. But predators hunt at night when kids are tired and less defensive. The friction you create actually protects them.
Content filtering: Block adult content, violence, weapons. Will it stop a determined predator who’s already in contact with your kid? No. But it removes easy access to the “bait” that draws kids deeper into risky conversations.
Activity reports: Check these every single week. Look for new accounts they’re talking to, weird late-night gaming sessions, chat patterns that seem off. You’re not spying—you’re paying attention. There’s a difference.
Phone Controls: Where 81% of This Actually Happens
Here’s what keeps me up at night: Snapchat, Instagram, and Discord aren’t on their PC. They’re on phones. And phones are way easier for predators to use for sextortion because you can hide them, delete chats, use disappearing messages.
If they have Android, you’re in luck. Google Family Link actually works. Go to family.google.com and set up:
- App approval: You have to say yes before they install anything
- App timers: Set Snapchat, Discord, and gaming apps to 1-2 hours daily
- Content filtering: Restrict Google Play Store to their age level
- Location: Know where they physically are (matters if this escalates beyond online)
If they have iPhone, you’ve got fewer options, but Screen Time still helps. Go to Settings > Screen Time > Family Sharing and turn on:
- App Limits: 1-2 hours daily for Snapchat, Discord, games
- Downtime: 9 PM to 7 AM—nothing but calls
- Content restrictions: Block adult sites, restrict unknown contacts on FaceTime, keep Siri off
The thing about iOS? You can’t see their actual messages like you can on Android. So you need to rely more on the platform-specific tools below.
Snapchat Family Center (You Probably Don’t Have This Set Up)
Snapchat finally built real parental controls because they were getting destroyed in the press. But almost nobody uses them.
Both you and your kid need a Snapchat account for this to work:
- Add them as a friend
- Go to your profile > Settings > Family Center
- Send them an invite
- They accept it
What you’ll now see:
- Who they’re actually talking to (not the messages themselves, but the contacts list)
- Who’s been messaging them in the last 7 days
- Option to restrict sensitive stories
Make sure their account has these settings locked down:
Go to their privacy settings and make it private. Turn off location sharing. Hide their story from everyone except close friends. Turn off “My AI” (the AI chatbot)—predators have been using AI interactions to figure out what kids will talk about.
Real talk: You won’t be able to read their messages on Snapchat. They can also remove you from Family Center whenever they want. But at least you’ll see if some random 35-year-old is suddenly messaging them daily. That’s the whole point.
Discord: Where Gamers Get Targeted
Your kid’s in gaming servers on Discord. Seems fine, right? Until a “fellow gamer” slides into DMs. Then another one. Then it moves to encrypted chats.
- They go to User Settings > Family Center
- They create a QR code
- You scan it from your Discord
- You get weekly reports
Then lock down their privacy settings hard:
User Settings > Privacy & Safety:
- Message Scanning: Turn it ON and filter all DMs
- Who can add you as a friend: Set to “No One”—they’ll hate this, but it means strangers can’t secretly add them
- Who can DM you: Set to “Friends Only” and turn off “Allow DMs from server members”
- Two-Factor Authentication: Enable it
Tell them: “Join servers with your school friends. Ask before joining anything else. If someone wants to DM you privately, that’s a red flag.”
Roblox: Virtual Currency Is Bait
Roblox seems harmless until you realize predators use Robux (the currency) exactly like a drug dealer uses free samples. “Hey, I’ll gift you some Robux, just move to Discord.”
Lock it down:
Settings > Privacy > Account Restrictions
- Who can chat with me: Friends Only
- Who can message me: Friends Only
- Invitations to VIP Servers: Turn off
Check their friends list every month. If there’s someone they don’t know in person, ask them directly. Not accusingly—just curious. “Who’s this person?”
The Conversation Nobody Wants to Have
All the controls in the world won’t help if your kid doesn’t understand what sextortion is, and if they’re too scared to tell you it’s happening.
Ask them directly:
- “Have you ever gotten a message from someone you don’t know?”
- “What would you do if someone asked you to send a picture?”
- “I need you to know that if something weird happens online, you can tell me without getting in trouble.”
Watch for warning signs:
- New accounts they’re vague about
- Sudden gifts or in-game currency they can’t explain
- Switching screens when you walk by
- Mood changes, anxiety, withdrawal
- Asking to use more encrypted apps
If it’s already happening, don’t panic. Call the FBI tip line (1-800-CALL-FBI), your local police, or NCMEC (1-800-THE-LOST). Screenshot everything before you do anything else. Don’t pay. Don’t engage with the predator. Just report it.
Real Talk
Your kid can change all these settings behind your back if they really want to. Some of them can remove you from Family Center. Privacy settings can be toggled off.
But here’s what actually stops sextortion: a parent who’s paying attention. Who checks in. Who asks about their online friends like it matters (because it does). Who makes it clear that no amount of embarrassment or shame will stop them from being there if something goes wrong.
One in five teenagers will experience sextortion this year. The question is whether yours will be one of them who suffered in silence, or one who had a parent ready to help.
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